With the littlest Davis-Ross waking and waking (and waking) all evening long*, I've not been able to accomplish anything on my to-do list. It's gotten so bad lately that I don't even try to start anything, lest I find myself as I did tonight: covered with a lap full of printed cardstock and laminating paper and notebooks with weird notes to myself like "Thursday afternoons" and "dry ice party" when the baby wakes not once but three times.
So I have to concede defeat, and if ever there were a day for defeat, it was today. Peter sobbed for Kevin all morning (and afternoon), and, when he'd forgotten about Kevin, sobbed for his new bestest friend Penelope. Lucy was super-well rested after her 14 hours of sleep last night, but managed to completely melt down at bedtime and refused to put on pajamas. (A bedtime of 6:45, I should add.) And Thomas was fine but is still a baby who requires a bit of supervision to ensure he makes it to the end of the day without eating a random sequin or tumbling down the stairs or being picked up by his sister and placed in her doll highchair.
There are days that are sunshine and light and giggles and cupcake parties from morning until night. And there are days like these, where bedtime means my god! they've finally stopped crying!
So yes: preschool plans are in disarray; I still don't know what our plans are for tomorrow; our office is officially a disaster with shards of broken glass underfoot; I have months of emails to reply to; I've not even thought of social communication in weeks; and I can't shake the feeling that this is yet another week I'm putting on pause until I can just get caught up.
Caught up with what? Life? I'm kind of fatigued with this life, lately. I can't shake the feeling that I'm hurrying to some distant point in A Very Good Place, or that if I could just get X, Y and Z settled then everything else would fall into place like a well oiled machine.
Yet.
There's a constant buzz in my head reminding me of all that I could, should, ought to, need to be doing. Big stuff (change diapers! feed children! drink water!) and little stuff (try to fold your laundry instead of stuffing it in your drawers, how old are you anyway? also, are you ever going to dust your bookshelves? and please don't pretend that running a used tissue along the corners of your floor counts as sweeping, even if it does yield a prodigious amount of dust.)
I'm going to try to turn off the buzz for tonight, and go to sleep. If that baby will let me. You baby, you!**
*He almost always wakes just as I've started eating my final evening meal. I really like eating my food after the kids have gone to bed. I know the importance of a family dinner, but I also know the importance of eating my food in peace. Sometimes my final evening meal is just dinner #2. Since I'm nursing two kiddos, it seems reasonable to have two dinners.
**Said in my best Caps for Sale voice. Thomas always replies "tsz, tsz, tsz." And then blows raspberries.
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